Thursday, September 29, 2011

They Call Me MacGyver

My so called friends are laughing at me and have taken to calling me MacGyver whenever I venture out to the camp. I have no idea why.

Ok so I do not think that a bear is going to come out and eat me (today since it’s raining and I’m locked in my house) I just think I should be prepared in case the bears aren’t up to speed on what the experts say a bear should do when suddenly encountering a  human in their backyard.

Things to consider re: Bears and Bear Spray

-  Get the large “don’t eat me” size, not the small “spice me up and make me tasty for the bear” size.
-  Get the cheap water bottle holder from the dollar store that gives you easy access, not the expensive holster that you have to fight with to get it out. (You want access to it before the bear has ripped your head off)
-  Spray it at the Bears face, not your face, (I know but it had to be said)
-  Do not practise flipping off the nozzle spray guard and aiming in the house ( I know but it made Ian really nervous)
-  Do not run from the bear but back away slowly and calmly (yeah right). If the bear follows you do not spray the pepper spray until the bear is within close range, say less then 5 ft or so. Shitting your pants is a perfectly acceptable activity to keep you occupied while you wait. (note to self: add change of underwear to inventory)
-  If you see your dogs running at you full speed ahead, don’t stop to ask questions just run past the person next to you and pray that they are slower then you are.
-  Lastly, unlike Jenny Lawson (bloggess & terrible mother) do not grab your camera and small child while running towards the bear ( I know but it had to be said)

Now if none of the above has helped you and you've already had your head ripped off during a bear encounter then you are unlikely to find this funny